How Deal With Boyfriend's Family Being Obsessed With Their Niece

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Narcissists tin can be difficult people to deal with. Their minds are limited in a mode that prevents them from truly looking outside themselves, and their worlds are limited entirely to the internal while excluding the external. At that place are many forms of narcissism, and dealing with a narcissist can be both frustrating and potentially dangerous to your own mental and emotional health. However, there are a few basic practices that yous can implement when dealing with just about whatever narcissist.

1. 1

   Learn to identify a narcissist. Before you starting time tossing the word around, you need to retrieve that a lot of people have some narcissistic tendencies but aren't necessarily narcissists. By learning what makes a narcissist, you'll be able to better avoid them and deal with the ones already in your life. Ask yourself if the person:^[one]

   • Has an exaggerated sense of their ain importance.
   • Expects or demands abiding praise and attention from others.
   • Has little regard for the needs or feelings of others.
   • Acts arrogant or superior to other people.
   • Believes that they are in some fashion special, and that only other people who are special tin truly sympathize them.^[two]
   • Believes that others are envious of them.
   • Takes reward of others to get what they want.
   • Is obsessed with attaining great power, success, or ideal love.

2. ii

   Figure out your own needs. If you are in need of someone who can provide mutual support and understanding, it is best to limit the time you spend with the narcissist in favor of others who can provide you with more of what you need. On the other mitt, if the narcissist in your life is interesting or vibrant in other ways, and you do not need additional support, the friendship or relationship may work for the fourth dimension being.

   • Make sure that y'all're not harming yourself by staying in contact with the narcissist. This is peculiarly truthful if yous accept a shut relationship with them (such equally that of spouse or parent), considering they will accept up more of your time.
   • If you find yourself exhausted by their neediness (they demand constant validation, praise, attending, and unwavering patience), and then you need to rethink your relationship with them.
   • If a narcissist in your life is abusing yous (manipulating you, constantly talking downwardly to you, or treating you as if you accept no value), yous need to leave immediately, considering they are unsafe for your health.

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3. 3

   Have their limitations. If this person is truly important to you lot, y'all will need to accept their narcissism. Cease asking or demanding support or attending from the narcissist that they are unable to provide. Doing and then will attain nothing but making y'all experience more frustrated and disappointed, which volition simply impairment the relationship more than.

   • For example, if y'all know that your friend Bob is a narcissist, don't go on trying to bring up your own troubles with him. He simply will non be able to empathize, and volition quickly plough the conversation dorsum to himself.

4. iv

   Define your own self-worth past other means. Ideally, cocky-worth is built from the inside rather than existence dependent on outside support. For many, however, self-worth grows stronger when others affirm their existence past valuing them as individuals. Practice not go to a narcissist when looking for this type of support, though, since a narcissist will not exist able to provide it.^[3]

   • Empathize that if you confide in that person, they volition exist unable to truly value the weight of what you've shared. They may, in fact, utilize this noesis as ways to manipulate you, so be careful what you tell a narcissist.
   • Remember that the narcissist's motto is "Me outset." When dealing with them, you will take to operate under their motto.

5. v

   Try to accept pity. This might be easier said than done, but call up: in spite of all the supposed cocky-confidence the narcissist displays, deep down, there is a severe lack of truthful confidence that requires the constant approval of others to subdue. Moreover, the narcissist does not have a full life considering they shut downwardly a wide range of emotion.^[4]

   • This doesn't mean letting them do whatever they desire with yous. It means that you lot think that the narcissist is a human existence who tin can't connect with other people. This often happens as a result of narcissistic parents.
   • Also remember that narcissists have no understanding of unconditional dear. Everything they do is self-serving, which is a terribly solitary way to live.
   • It may help you to have pity if you tin can remember that these negative behaviors are projections of their own self-hatred and feelings of inadequacy.

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1. 1

   Avoid the mind games. A lot of narcissists play mind games that forcefulness y'all to constantly be on the defensive. The best way to deal with these games is to recognize the game and to stop playing. To deal with a narcissist, you lot have to go on your ego out of the running.

   • Become out of playing the "blame game." A narcissist cannot do any wrong in their own heed, which means they need someone to arraign for whatsoever failures. Instead of trying to argue or explain how it'due south their mistake, you lot have to set boundaries. Keep rail of what they've been doing, so you tin say (in a non-accusatory tone), "Hey Dan, here'southward the inventory count which shows we do demand more paper."
   • Narcissists tend to be actually proficient liars. If you lot call back something very differently from them (peculiarly if it puts them in a bad light) don't start doubting yourself. Don't try to fence it, however, unless you have absolute empirical evidence that you're right. Even then, a narcissist will manage to turn the whole thing around to reverberate well on them.
   • The most important affair to think is to cultivate a non-responsive attitude towards them. If you have a narcissist in your life, there volition exist jabs, put-downs, and lies. Don't respond. It'southward like a game of catch, but you don't need to catch the ball and throw it back. In fact, let the ball (the insults, listen games, etc.) sail right on past.

2. 2

   Do not await to delight a narcissist. Since narcissists have big egos and think overly well of themselves, they will likely encounter you as someone who is, in some ways, inferior. You might be able to win the narcissist'south favor on a brusque-term footing, but you should never expect to be able to satisfy or impress a narcissist in the long-term.^[5]

   • Be prepared to autumn brusque in their estimation, oft. You will never be able to live up to what they look you to be, which is someone who devotes consummate attending to them.
   • Try not to take their criticism to centre. Remind yourself that it comes from a very off-balanced worldview. Likewise, don't try to debate your merits with the narcissist, considering they will be unable to hear yous.
   • If they're constantly analytical you (whether they're a spouse, a parent, or a boss), discover someone you trust to talk over what they say (a trusted friend, a counselor, etc.). If you can, get some space from the narcissist for recovery purposes.

3. 3

   Heed a lot. If you have to appoint with the narcissist, the all-time mode to deal is to but mind. The narcissist will demand your attention and your ear, and will probable become aroused or cold with you if yous fail to provide information technology. Everything has limits, of course, and if the narcissist in your life is demanding your attention at a fourth dimension you cannot provide it, you should not cave in. If you lot plan on being in a friendship or other relationship with a narcissist, however, you should be prepared to exercise a great deal of genuine listening.

   • If you discover your mind straying, inquire them for clarification on an earlier point that you think, so that y'all discover your way back into the conversation. For example, y'all might say "I was thinking about what y'all said about X and didn't hear what you only said. Could you repeat that?"

4. 4

   Be as genuine in your praise equally possible. In all likelihood, there is some quality about the narcissist in your life that you admire. Build the majority of your praise around that quality. Information technology volition seem more sincere, which volition keep you in the narcissist'due south skillful graces, and it will also be a constant reminder to yourself about why you keep this person in your life.

   • For example, if your narcissist is a really good author, brand sure that you lot tell them that. Say things similar "You're really articulate. I love the style you manage to become your ideas across and then clearly." They'll recognize your honesty and they'll be less likely to try to assail you.
   • Even if y'all offer the narcissist the compliments and praise they require, they are still likely to try to discover ways to undercut and control you lot, due to their deep insecurities. Their methods tin can be very subtle and sophisticated, so be on-baby-sit.

5. 5

   Smiling and nod. If the narcissist in your life is someone you cannot choose to avoid contact with, and you find yourself unable to tolerate flattering that person as often equally is necessary, the side by side best pick is to continue quiet. You will not gain any favor with the narcissist by keeping your mouth shut, but by not disagreeing with that person, you passively give the impression of agreement.

   • Since a narcissist demands abiding attention, grinning and nodding is a adept way to requite that to them without having to commit yourself to further interaction. This method works particularly well for those narcissists who aren't inextricably intertwined in your life (like a coworker, a family member you don't live with, or a friend y'all aren't super close to).

6. 6

   Persuade the narcissist that what you want benefits them. If you need something from a narcissist, the best way to get it is to frame the request in a mode that suggests to the narcissist that there will exist some benefit to them in providing it.

   • For case, if yous want to persuade your friend to go to a new restaurant with y'all, and her narcissism revolves effectually her social continuing, say something along the lines of, "I hear information technology'southward the best place to go if you want to rub elbows with all the influential people in the community."
   • As another example, if y'all want to run into an exhibit with a friend, and his narcissism revolves around his intelligence, you lot could say something like, "They say it's especially intriguing for clever people with quick minds."

7. vii

   Nowadays effective criticism in positive or neutral terms. The narcissist will never take breathy criticism. He or she will probably assume that yous are either jealous or merely ornery, and will cheapen your opinion fifty-fifty more as a outcome. Avoid inflicting humiliation, even though it might exist tempting to practice then. Frame things in a way that invites the narcissist to believe that he or she however has the upper-hand.^[6]

   • For instance, if you demand to remind a narcissistic client to pay yous, gently remind them by asking them for a reminder of the agreed-upon pay period rather than directly stating that the payment is late.

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1. ane

   Determine if an intervention is advisable. Sometimes, particularly when the narcissist is someone you love (a meaning other, a parent, or a child), you may desire to consider staging an intervention. This tin be very difficult, every bit it can be very hard to convince a egotistic person that they have a problem.

   • The best time to stage an intervention is later on something very life-changing has happened to the narcissist (like an affliction, a job loss, etc.) where the things that are feeding their ego are damaged or removed.

2. two

   Become the assistance of a professional. Yous'll need a neutral and experienced political party, as things can get emotional and stormy during the intervention. They can also help y'all plan the intervention and give you some idea of how the intervention might get. Attempt to go the advice of someone such as a behavioral therapist, psychologist, or licensed clinical social worker who has experience dealing with narcissists.

   • A professional person tin can discuss different therapeutic options with you. Private psychotherapy and group therapy both have their benefits and have been shown to help narcissistic individuals see other people equally individuals who are equally of import as they are.^[seven]
   • Look around in your area and ask some people whose opinions you lot trust who they might recommend. You want to brand sure that you have the correct person for the task.

3. three

   Recruit about four or 5 people. These need to be people who are close to the narcissist in some manner, or people who take been injure past the narcissist but are willing to see them go the assist they need.

   • Make sure that these people aren't going to warn the narcissist alee of time and aren't going to spread gossip around about what is going on.

4. 4

   Plan the intervention. An intervention is non a spur of the moment thing. Y'all'll demand to plan out where and when and what you all are going to say and do. The professional person tin can help you here with some of what you might expect from the intervention.

5. 5

   Develop a couple talking points. These are the main points that you want to stick to during the intervention. They can be things like how the narcissist'due south issues are hurting the family (give specific examples) and why you're having the intervention (they've become abusive, or they take stopped contributing to the family; again, you want to be specific).

   • You need to accept some sort of result for their actions if they turn down the intervention. This could be anything from not participating in activities that are important to the narcissist to ending the relationship. This will requite you leverage in your effort to convince them to change.

6. 6

   Make it clear how the narcissist is hurting themselves. Information technology's important that you use your compassion during the intervention, since the reason yous're doing it is and so that they have a hazard to get improve. Permit the narcissist know that making a change will be for their do good likewise as everyone else's.

   • Apply "I" statements. This kind of language is less likely to put the narcissist on the defensive. For instance, "I feel ignored when you constantly turn the conversation to yourself," or "I feel that yous expect me to constantly exist emotionally available without providing me with emotional support in return." Again, use specific examples of the times that they hurt yous.

7. 7

   Be prepared for the possibility that the intervention won't work. Retrieve that if you do stage an intervention, information technology doesn't hateful that the narcissist will actually exercise what they need to do to become better. Likewise, therapy for narcissists does not always work, so exist prepared for any outcome on that score.

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Add together New Question

• Question

  Can a narcissist fall in love?

  

  Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a two-Year Mail service-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Found of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family unit Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

  

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  Support wikiHow by unlocking this proficient answer.

  They are normally in love with themselves, or at least first with themselves so you—specially to the extent that you feed their ego. You become less interesting when yous slow downwards the ego-feeding. The honey will not be unconditional; it volition be a limited love.

• Question

  Can narcissism be cured?

  

  Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Piece of work from the Virginia Democracy Academy in 1983. She also holds a 2-Twelvemonth Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, also equally certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

  

  Licensed Social Worker

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  The edges effectually a narcissist can be softened. Group therapy might be the almost effective. However, couples therapy might besides be useful considering the objectivity of the therapist may cut through some of the narcissism. If a person is willing to work through their babyhood issues, skillful progress tin can exist accomplished.

• Question

  How do yous control a narcissist?

  

  Klare Heston is a Licensed Contained Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Main of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Document from the Gestalt Constitute of Cleveland, also as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Arbitration, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

  

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  You really can't, merely yous may be able to manipulate them knowing their vulnerabilities. You can make them think something was their idea, or y'all tin identify some style they also tin benefit from something you want to do or somewhere you want to go.

• Question

  Do narcissists know they are narcissists?

  

  Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Democracy Academy in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Mail service-Graduate Document from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, also as certification in Family unit Therapy, Supervision, Arbitration, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

  

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  This varies. Some may exist aware of or take been made enlightened of their tendencies. Others are then wrapped up in self-adoration that they are only aware of their own superiority equally a fact. Typically, they do not accept self-awareness.

• Question

  What happens when the relationship ends and the narcissist realizes yous got the upper hand in property and money? I was married for 17 years and he remarried 6 weeks afterwards our divorce.

  

  Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Chief of Social Piece of work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a two-Yr Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Constitute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Arbitration, and Trauma Recovery and Handling (EMDR).

  

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• Question

  How practise I deal with a narcissistic professor?

  

  Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She likewise holds a 2-Twelvemonth Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, also equally certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Arbitration, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

  

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  This 1 is tough considering information technology is a power relationship. You lot might have just take to 'grin and bear it' until the stop of the semester. Re-read this Wikihow article for small tips on how to make information technology through!

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• You lot can't win an argument with these types of people, fifty-fifty if you practice win... you lose. The all-time advice is to keep clear and go along chat to a minimum.

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• It is really important to exist enlightened of your ain mental health when dealing with a narcissist. If your quality of life is diminishing because of them, you need to become abroad, fifty-fifty if they're a parent, a spouse, or a boss.

• Minimize your time with the narcissist as much as you tin, and cut ties completely if you accept to. If yous spend too much time with a narcissist, you risk becoming interdependent with them to the point where it negatively impacts your own emotional health and development.

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Article Summary X

To bargain with a narcissist, try to avoid their mind games and ready boundaries then they can't arraign you for things that aren't your fault. Narcissists are critical of others, and so don't take their criticism to eye or let it define you. Information technology's all-time to avoid arguing with them or trying to get them to see your betoken of view, since they're incapable of this. If you demand something from them, the all-time way to get it is to frame the request in a way that suggests they will benefit from providing it. For tips on staging an intervention with a narcissist, read on!

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